- Mood:
nostalgic - Music:Typing Game background
it's funny how friendship delays possibilities. i have no plans for summer. i have you in mind. i hope this wears off, because i think you are summer. you're just summer. you are something to look forward to, but rarely held on to.
but then it is possible that you are starlight, forever chased but ever visible and present - summer or fall, rain or shine. is it worth it to pursue you, when i know the consequences are detrimental? is it worth it to pursue you, when in pursuing you the most solid of foundations that i hold shall collapse into a blackhole?
if you are indeed summer, then answering such questions would not matter. but if you are in fact starlight, then woe is me. woe is me for being so blind.
i'm not saying i love you yet. but you know i do. :)
"hindi ka na nagbablog."
the truth is, hindi na ako nag-iinternet. and that in fact, napakadalang ko nang buksan man lamang ang laptop ko.
that is why some of you don't know na in the second day of january this year, dalawang tao dear to me ang namatay.
na a week after i started noticing persistent pains sa back ko.
na ilang beses na akong pabalik balik sa kung sinu-sino nang doctor.
na inconclusive yung urinalysis, blood test at xrays ko.
na in between the follow up check ups, other joints started feeling weird, too.
na before february started, i started noticing my hair was falling off.
and that all of these symptoms persist to this day.
and that in between, i find myself in one way or another fucking up with something.
pero more often, other people fuck up and i get involved because it's my job to be.
it's my job to be stressed.
it's my job to deal with stupid people and having to make do with their stupidity because it takes up more energy trying to alter them.
meanwhile, it feels as if i've lost a limb.
the will to care and to think positive has been amputated.
i miss blogging.
i miss sound tripping. my mp3 player died the same day my friend and foster mother died.
i miss whining about the things i thought mattered and that it was crucial that a significant percentage of the world population knew about it.
or at least could potentially access it.
i can only laugh at the idea of it now.
although i miss it. the days na yun lang winoworry ko. na ang pagkabasted lang ang hinanakit ko.
whatever.
i'll cleanse myself of these inner demons. somehow. do me a favor and find the one in yours and do the same. i can only deal with one ignoramus at a time and that slot i've already occupied.
i've been drinking a lot for three straight nights now. i think i'm embarassing myself in the process, but it's nothing much of a bother anymore. last night my stepdad invited me to drink with him, so we both drank one bottle of red horse each. apparently he was drunk prior to that. well, nagdrama siya, in short. he told me things i already knew and repressed, except that my mom has been hiding a certain discomfort sickness illness condition from me. like what the hell. i'm used to that. but what the hell. part of me is scared. most of me just wants to shut down from the rest of the world.
and what else? i don't really prefer my fosters' house from all this ruckus and boisterousness and ignorance so malignant in my mom's milieu. because they're fucking boring and uptight and they don't understand and care one bit. as long as i'm economically sustained, they think i'm fine. let's fuck to the death.
i'm tired of not wanting to be where i am. the future is bleak. oh well. i should stay positive. even if by being positive it only means that i should go retarded just so i be numbed and anaesthesized from the madness or ennui surrounding me.
being at the center is not at all a safe position. you're inclined to one side, and pressured to take a stand. centrists are major candidates for suicide.
- Mood:
frustrated - Music:the cardigans - love fool
this christmas chronicle involves mrt rides, crowded malls, yosi breaks, moments on the overpass, children of all classes and food that was mine one minute, then wasn't the next. you could end up pitying me, or utterly jealous because your christmas was so ordinary. haha.
kahapon nagpasko na ang fosters ko. sa 27 pa ako pupunta sa mommy ko. rather than mope at home, i treated myself to a date. yung kami lang ni ako. complete me time. i let myself take me anywhere. i'm glad i treated myself to my funniest (albeit strange) christmas ever.
YUGTO 1
nagulat ako sa SM kasi ang dami paring tao. kapag pasko pala buhay na buhay pa rin ang komersyalisasyon, di gaya pag mahal na araw. medyo nadismaya ako, kasi i was hoping na yung mga lugar na usually kong nakikitang matao e for once isolated.
umasa naman din ako sa mrt. but no. pami-pamilya ang mga nandun, habang ako nag-iisa dun na parang timang. ni hindi man lang ako nakaupo. anyway, sinasabi ko sa mga katext ko nun na pupunta lang ako ng trinoma para doon mag yosi break (see my plurk). haha.
isa sa mga katext ko ay si juankaloy. sus, pinigilan ako magyosi. sabi ko, sige fine, candy na lang pupuntahan ko sa trinoma. paulit-ulit nagpatugtog ang christmas jingle ng meralco sa mrt. "may liwanag ang pasko, may liwanag ang pasko." for more! kaya sige na nga. hahaha.
YUGTO 2
pagdating ko sa trinoma, diyos ko po. di ko alam kung ano mas marami - ang mga papasok o papalabas ng mall. sayang naman yung punta ko kung candy lang sadya ko, buti sana kung yosi. (LOL) but no. so naisipan kong mag mcflurry na lang.
of course dumaan ako sa landmark bago tumuloy ng mcdo. ave maria napupuno ka ng grasya, kay dami kong naspot na pogijacket. sayang, hindi ako nakapagdala ng anju, nakabili sana ako ng pogi jacket. pero mabuti na rin na hindi ako nakapagdala ng anju, kasi if ever, mapapabili lang ako ng pogi jacket. haha. oo, schizo ata ako.
YUGTO 3
o, kay haba ng pila sa mcdo. almost isang metro lang naman layo ko sa cashier pero 15-20 minutes akong nakatunganga lang. opening nga rin pala kasi ng MMFF, kaya marami talagang tao sa palapag na yun. gusto kong sumama kay kuya and his friend na nasa harapan ko sa pila na nagpayabangan pa ng mp4 at mp5 player nila (meron na pala nun?) sa panonood ng shake, rattle and roll X. pero siyempre hindi... dahil wala na si manilyn reynes doon, so what's the point? HA HA HA!
ay wait. so ayun. nabili ko na din yung mcflurry sa wakas. after so long the pila and so daming people ever. so exit na ako ng trinoma.
YUGTO 4
sa pagbaba ko sa tulay papunta sa kabilang lane ng mrt, since southbound ako, nilapitan ako ng isang batang pulubi. hinihingi ang mcflurry na kinakain ko pa while walking. haha. sabi ko, "palit tayo. akin na yang dalawang piso mo, panyosi ko, tapos iyo na ito." siyempre, agree siya, TANGA NAMAN KUNG HINDI pero habang nagnenegotiate kami, lumapit na ang mga "friends" niyang kabataan din. pagkakuha ko ng dalawang piso, sinabi ko bago ko ibigay na magsheshare dapat sila lahat, kasi christmas. "diba dapat nagsheshare kapag christmas?" haha.
so bumili ako ng yosi, kahit kakasabi ko lang na hindi. para lang mabawi ko man lang yung pinila ko sa mcdo. maya-maya, naspot ko ang isang bata na hindi nashare-an ng mcflurry, kaya imbis na ibili ko yung isa pang piso ng candy, sa kanya ko na lang binigay yung isang piso, kahit hindi siya yung kumita nun. redistribution of wealth, dahil agrabyado siya sa access to mcflurry-sources. o diba, may ganun akong nalalaman? haha.
tapos nagmoment muna ako sa tulay, tanaw ang mga patimog na mga sasakyan at ang malachristmas lights nilang backlights. sa pagbuga ko ng usok, naalala ko bigla,
"tae, hindi pa pala ako nagbebreakfast o naglalunch."
YUGTO 5
nakasakay na din sa wakas sa mrt. halfway home, yung original kong katabi na echoserang babaeng bakla ay napalitan ng echoserang babaeng bakla in-the-making. joke. tatlo silang mag-iina, at nakatabi ko yung panganay na babaeng bata. tapos nung nagtetext ako, napansin kong napapasulyap si little girl sa phone ko.
naisip kong pagtripan siya. tinaype ko sa phone ko,
"Psst... Oo, bata, ikaw. Merry Christmas! :)"
pasubtle effect akong hinaharap sa kanya, at sinisigurado kong hindi namamatay yung backlight para mabasa niya, pero hindi pa rin niya ata nababasa. so kunwari inaayos ko yung upo ko, para makatok ang personal bubble ng bata.
ayun! napansin niya. nung una parang tiningnan lang niya pero hindi napansin. sinubukan ko ulit, medyo hinarap pa sa kanya. ayun. nabasa na niya. hahaha. ngiti na lang talaga ako. tapos pababa na ako. kinuwento ata ng bata, kasi pagtingin ko pabalik ng tren, medyo mataray ang tingin ni mama. hahahaha.
EPILOGO
pagbaba ko ng ayala, sinabayan ng malamig na simoy ng hangin ang pagsisista ng mga bulag na musician ng mga pinoy na christmas carols. tumambay muna ako at inenjoy ang libreng concert. nangiti ako. sabi ko sa (mga) sarili ko, we should do this again next time.
naglakad akong kumakanta-kanta pa pauwi. ang saya ko lang talaga, kahit inaambunan ako, para bagang wag na daw kasi akong kumanta.
Maligayang Pasko at Manigong Bagong Taon sa Inyong Lahat!
-pag-ibig ;)-
- Mood:
amused - Music:singing in my sleep
oh, so merry christmas everyone! we have no plans for the whole day, since we had the party last night because some of my foster's relatives have planned to go to the states, ergo we celebrated earlier.
everyone i've talked with told me to spend christmas at my mom's. i could and i should, but it's complicated. but i am going to be there mga 27-31. anyway, december 25 is just a date, from what i've learned speaking with friends. i'm just going to make the most of my stay there when i am, while also trying to realign and reattach myself to both families. (and that, i blame on you
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
damnessislove. haha.)as for the day itself, i'm probably going to sneak out, i don't know, when i feel like sneaking out. as to how far my sneaking out will take me, i am not sure either. now i'm doubting the whole getting a planner
i don't want christmas to be the international jei's day for moping because she chose (or has to choose) this family over the other to spend the holidays with. like i said, it's just a date. there's always a none of the above option, because sometimes all else just fails.
i'll seek solace in my solitude if by choosing either-or, i would ironically feel lonelier.
of course, hindi niyo gets. and that's a good thing. that means you are fortunate to not have to be bothered by such troublesome dilemmas. good for you. give yourself a pat on the shoulder. oh, and here's an awesome set of hugs. -hug-hug-hug-hug-hug-hug-hug-
- Mood:
optimistic - Music:madonna - drowned world/substitute for love
- i won't spend P700+ for an organizer! i probably won't even use it! hahaha. pero ang ganda niya e. and it has the dates of unusual holidays. my birthday - april 30 - is hairstylists appreciation day! kaya naman pala e! LOL
2. a new mp3 player
- kahit cheapuzz lang. sira kasi LCD nung chipod ko e. pero gumagana pa rin siya. but it's rather inconvenient operating it blind. :P
3. a guitar
- with nylon strings. mine has steel strings kasi, and is out of tune and nobody knows how to fix it. plus, i really think i'm more comfortable with nylon. i remember it being easier to learn on and endure practicing with it. haha.
plus, i really want to take songwriting from pseudo-seriously to semi-seriously, haha. the piano is just too cumbersome and, uh, public. hihi.
4. rainbow hoodie
- either the cheap gray hoodie that has rainbows all over it from landmark, or the candy-color rainbow (di ko maexplain, basta rainbow-y siya pero hindi roy g. biv. LOL) striped hoodie at... gosh i forgot. tomato? YRYS? i can get both depending sa grasya ng kaninong/kaninangan. hahaha.
... BUT DON'T GET THESE FOR ME! i shall buy these on my own. hehe.
i just wrote it down here so that i don't forget about it, since i usually forget things i write down on paper, or what i would like to splurge on once i get the money. meanwhile, i usually look back at my blog entries, and comments help in the reminding as well. haha.
i will need P4,000-P5000 for all these, which seems feasible. but times are hard, i might sacrifice some of my already concise wishlist. hihi. but it's okay. i don't mind. #2 and #1 lang naman ang may asterisk (*) of priority. hehe.
my yaya's nephew was sent to the hospital yesterday because he couldn't stand up anymore. he was aggravated by back pains for months now, but it has finally reached a point where it needs immediate medical attention. i hope everything will be alright in the end. dapat kasi matagal na siyang nagpatingin. tigas ng ulo.
anyway, my yaya took the day off. i discovered it when i woke up. at 2:30 PM. all i ate before dinner was a hershey bar and a cup of noodles. i'm so useless without her. i don't know where the kitchen stuff are, even if i know how to cook. i feel shy bossing around the other maids because i'm so used to just doing that to my yaya. haha.
nadedepress tuloy ako. maraming tao sa bahay, pero siya lang talaga yung figure dito na inuuwian ko. 20% because we care for each other, and 80% because siya naman ang so irritatingly nagpapauwi palagi sa akin ng maaga. haha. drama lang.
ang boring. ang boring talaga. the end.
- Mood:
bored - Music:bloc party - tulips
i think all i'm saying is, i love you, and it's a funny way to die. haha. merry christmas. :)
- Mood:
sleepy - Music:bamboo - much has been said
symbiosis naman ang naganap. they were glad i brought them there because of the cheap but nice stuff, and i was happy with the company and the help in reducing my indecisiveness. haha.
hindi natuloy ang aming cubao expo, pero landmark makati is love pa rin. haha. go there for cheap stuff without having to sacrifice the comfort of your pagsusuroy. haha.
ano ba ito. daming christmas parties and other days to look forward to to come:
december 15
ang pagbabalik ni
eshperez! lola, miss you, meight! XDSINAG christmas party
december 16
the "great" oblation run "daw." hahaha.
december 17
sociology department christmas party
lantern parade
UP KMS christmas party
december 18
UP CRAdLE christmas party at mandaluyong hospital
december 20~22 (not sure sa date)
BarkadaTrip christmas party! yay, makakapunta na rin kami nila esh and mika. (sana walang humadlang) :)
'tis the season to be jolly (
antipara?), haha! i don't mind being worn out by this sched.- Mood:
excited - Music:pitbull feat trina and young boss - go girl
sana kapag wala akong pakialam, lahat walang pakialam.
at sana kapag meron akong pakialam, lahat may pakialam din.
ang hirap kasi kapag hindi ganun e, alinman doon sa dalawa.
♥so i say, twelve days of christmas my ass.
everyday, it gets harder to be optimistic about the future. the more you cut through the overbearing, overpowering things, the more you just grow helpless about it. i wish i did believe that i am not helpless. debates about it nag from both sides at the back of my mind. in the end, i'm left with wishful thinking, but using it for fashion's sake alone (i.e. what i wrote above. yung mga walang katapusan kong sana).
everyday, it gets harder to recognize brilliance when you see it. desensitized, anaesthesized, illusioned, brainwashed. they'll give you a marvelous amount of reasons why this is happening. in the end you're only pushed to not care. the brave and the commendable speak their muted pleas while we listen to the insurmountable amount of noise made by all that air that come out from airbags.
everyday is harder. the insane are lucky.
- Mood:
disappointed - Music:twisted halo - irene
- i am not emo i just like wearing the clothes i wear sporting the hair i sport and frowning the frown i frown what does emo mean anyway
- i am not lesbian but i am not straight either i think people call it bisexual but for me it's more of just loving someone because i can and i want to yes i know ang angelina jolie pre-brad pitt lang
- i have absolutely no talent and am not gifted in any way and statistically speaking aminado naman akong dinadaan ko lang ang lahat sa porma wag kasi kayong magpauto
- insomnia is the greatest eebil in the world it makes you suicidal distant alienated hate your parents pimpley schizophrenic paranoid and of course sleepy when the rest of your world is awake drugs and alcohol and sexual abuse have nothing to do about social ills lol
- i do wish that i wasn't who i am but that so quote unquote eeeemooo so i take it back sticks tongue out
- i'm not good with words just with phrasing
- my thought process is very slow i am very ditzy IRL if you want i can show you my blonde armpit hair joke lang
- yes i do give up pretty fast and easily i think earthlings call it defeatism i don't know if that applies to aliens like me
- papansin ako sus for the record pa ba ito obvious naman yun
and finally... - if i am insensitive then there is a stupendously big chance that so are you.
why am i even multiplying? haha. my blog's at lj now, y'all. not that it's updated naman pero basta. magmumultiply lang ako para dumagdag sa ingay ng lugar na ito. haha.
- Mood:
pissed - Music:standard music - walk on by
hands. what what what what what. kinikilig ako ng bongga. as in my hands are cold. but it's getting warmer because i'm typing. pero ang kilig level ko ay humarurot pataas na parang ulirat ng isang suminghot ng tatlong kilo ng marijuana (not that i would know... haha).
natatawa ako. sa sarili ko. bigla akong nandiri sa pagkakaroon ng happy crush. naintriga ako. bakit parang ang mangmang ko kasi? haha.
anyway. whatever! -rubs it off-
exhale. kahit hapon, malamig na. though utterly disenchanted with the whole christmas jig, the only thing i don't really mind about it is that seasonally it's really cool. and thank you global warming, because it gets cooler every year. i don't really care if that's a bad thing.
the other thing is the very consumeristic christmas shopping. i don't know why, must be the very augustinian influence, but i enjoy getting other people gifts. i'm excited over meg and i going to cubao expo to do so. sana matuloy. haha.
and oh no. the boy i miss the most in the world (francis) is asking for my chucks. i don't mind handing them down, but ish hard! hard! i don't mind buying him new ones, and perhaps they'd fit even better, but ish hard! hard, too! :(
i want to buy serve the people for myself, too. but it's somewhere around P500 pa daw. tae. that's the booklaunch, fresh off the press, UP Diliman discounted price na, ha. boo-ness.
brr. wala akong maisip na wishlist for myself. just to be able survive the tundra, i suppose. :)
- Mood:
restless - Music:Ne-yo - Miss Independent
so i was out mga 15 minutes i think. twenty minutes tops. when i came back, I ENTERED THE WRONG CLASSROOM!!! i went to the classroom beside mine. hahaha. i disrupted what i think was a lecture that was experiencing perfect momentum - that is, until i showed up and contaminated their orderly lives. haha. buti na lang nakapatay ang ilaw since they had a slideshow and all, but the prof and some of the students were like, "what the fuck?". napa-"oh my god sorry" na lang ako. haha.
so i entered my classroom, and saw that my prof was fidgeting with the dvd player and that the movie hasn't resumed. apparently, the cd/dvd player malfunctioned again. and you know where it started fucking up? at the exact same scene that was last on when i left. i asked my seatmate, "so, i didn't miss anything?" hahaha. funny! and kind of lucky, too. ang bilis ng pag-alternate ng kamalasan at swerte.
haha. yun lang. i get myself in uncanny situations sometimes.
- Mood:
silly - Music:311 - Love Song
it's so boring. i'm so boring. i've floured the table and kneaded my brain to squeeze some inspiration out, hoping i could swallow some and be able to write something. obviously i've failed and there's nothing, not even something plurk-worthy (but i won't resort to "kain lang me!" just to not lower my karma. boo).
i guess i'm at my best when bitter. pessimism is just so easy to prove and articulate. and people easily relate, or at least they condescend to comfort you. the best thing they can say when you're triumphant is, "good for you." when you're blank naman, ayun. walking in awkward silence: that's how blankness is like. it's nothingness that causes unease for the apparent reason of its nothingness.
but it's not that i've been dormant. au contraire, i've been really industrious. getting copies of readings, actually reading them(! at the library even!), walking more, attending more activities (both academic and chummy chummy lang, haha), editing articles immediately, blah blah. ask and i shall blah blah blah. compared to last sem na napakawalang kwenta ko lang, i'm very productive now.
but there are blanks to fill in. i kind of miss being brokenhearted and stressed and whiny, but not to the point of wanting to feel them again. pero kasi naman. why does misery own such a poetic vocabulary? and how is it that it can inspire beautiful things only to fuel even more putrid, broiling emotions at the same time?
whatever. but if nothing comes from this subscription to adequacy, i'm going back to being emo. haha. (nawala ba, jei? fine, to being SUPER emo, hindi lang sa porma level, haha!) wala nang magrereklamo.
- Mood:
blah - Music:taken by cars - december 2, chapter VII
sana alam natin kung kelan tayo mamalasin. sana alam natin kung may mararamdaman pa tayo pag nakita natin sila ulit. sana alam natin kung masaya o malungkot ba tayo dahil sa dahilan na yun. kung ano ba talaga, kahit sa mga sarili lang natin.
ignorance is bliss, as long as there aren't any clues leading to the truth.
whut. mabawi nga lahat ng sinabi ko. lol.
- Mood: hopeful
- Music:rico blanco - your universe
vacant. occupied. yun lang ang dichotomy ko sa mga kapanahunang ito. i don't know how to preoccupy myself when i am bored anymore. hindi kagaya ng bago ako magkasakit, nakakalikha pa ako ng rap. hahaha.
nalusaw ata ng dextrose ang lahat ng ingenuity ko nung naospital ako. bacteria nga siguro ito, kung anu-ano kasi naiisip kong gawin dahil dito. pero ngayon naman, kahit nga kasi blog entry, wala akong maisulat. nakasalalay na lang ang purpose driven life ko sa pag-aatupag sa acads at trabaho sa mga orgs. maliban doon, wizz.
ang masaklap pa, ang dali kong mapraning. makakita lang ako ng lamok, mega pindot ako sa spray ng baygon. sisiponin lang, hindi na ako chill. oh c'mon. hindi pa kompleto normalizing eklat ko. praning pa rin ako.
pero hindi naman ang getting sick and the whole pathology of it ang kinakatakutan ko. it's more of yung paksyetwalaakongmagawa yung hindi ko talaga ma-carry. utak mo lang kasi ang kayang sumabay sa ikot ng mundo kapag ganun. at parang napakadetached mo sa masmalawak na schema of things. sociology major pa man din ako. hindi ko kayang madetach sa sangkatauhan (although technically ina-isolate ka din naman ng kaalaman mo from the rest, pero ibang kwento na yun na wag na lang nating pag-usapan. lalo na pag date kita. haha).
boring pa rin ang edukasyon. pero kailangan kong pumasok, not for the bullshit na inilalathala ng mga mission-vision-thrusts ng lahat ng schools na naenkwentro ko na. i have more human reasons.
- Mood: blah
- Music:Frou Frou - Must be Dreaming
awoo. i can't believe i'm typing this right now. i can't believe i'm typing, and not wired to any form of health aid and not vomitting and not sick. i'm chickenpox and dengue free!
grabe. can you say cursed? for those who don't know, i got the chickenpox sometime during halloween, that's why i wasn't able to enrol myself. but the ever so dakila at busilak ang kalooban tetrahydrolugxi volunteered to do so. hay i owe her a mountain of twixes... grabe kahit kontinente pa na puro twix, okay lang, sa sobrang utang na loob ko. :)
when i was recovering na from chickenpox, as in nagceclear na yung iba, bigla akong nagkaseries of sakit kagaya ng pagsusuka, heartburn, fever, and more pagsusuka. nagpacheck up na kami nung nagsabay-sabay na, and what we thought was simple gastritis turned out to be dengue fever na pala, as revealed by my below normal platelet count. so ayun, naadmit ako sa hospital. because of the dextrose that i abhored sooooo much, naging okay naman ako after two and a half days, at ngayon, nakauwi na ako! at nakaligo na! at ang sarap sarap sarap sarap maligo! :)
i can't wait to go back to school. grabe, WALA NANG MAGJIJINX! PASOK NA AKO! dahil miss ko na ng bengga ang mga
UP KMS
SINAG CSSP
UP CRADLE
and UP itself as a UP. school. kailangan kita. hehe.
miss ko na kayo! maraming salamat sa mga text ninyong lahat nung nagkasakit ako. mahal ko kayo ng bengga. ♥
- Mood:
ecstatic - Music:coldplay - viva la vida
♥ quit smoking (at least until next year)
♥ save at least P70 per week (haha kelangan na ng pambili ng regalo hihi)
♥ keep the momentum i usually have from the first part of the sem to the end (super good luck)
♥ eat better (fast food 3x 2x a week max!!!)
♥ do jump ropes on the weekends, or when i wake up early at walang pasok
♥ get my act together somehow
♥ hindi na ako manliligaw hahahahahaha
♥ be less bitter (at least vocally)
♥ pray the rosary regularly SUPER CHAREEEEEEEEEENG.
♥ put more effort on being pretty than on being pogi. haha. kayanin ko kaya?
hay, nahihilo na ako. i have fever. pero kailangan ko lang talaga mang-social network. parang ang cut-off ko na kasi from humanity! haha.
happy halloween! ingats kayo bukas sa mga undas excursions ninyo. :)
here are two poems. one is a poem for children and the other is a song. they have similar themes and it's easy to figure out what they are. wala lang. they struck me during the whole nothingness of the day that was.
PAGTAKAS: the airplane
an airplane has gigantic wings
but not a feather on her breast;
she only mutters when she sings
and builds a hangar for a nest.
i love to see her stop and start;
she has a little motor heart
that beats and throbs and then is still.
she wears a fan upon her bill.no eagle flies through sun and rain
so swiftly as an airplane.
i wish she would come swooping down
between the steeples of the town
and lift me right up off my feet
and take me high above the street,
that all the other boys might see
the little speck that would be me.
- rowena bastin bennett---
PAGPAPARAYA: sleeps with butterflies
airplanes
take you away again
are you flying
above where we live?
then I look up a glare in my eyes
are you having regrets about last night?
i'm not but I like rivers that rush in
so then I dove in
is there trouble ahead
for you the acrobat?
i won't push you unless you have a netyou say the word
you know I will find you
or if you need some time
i don't mind
i don't hold on
to the tail of your kite
i'm not like the girls that you've known
but I believe I'm worth coming home to
kiss away night
this girl only sleeps with butterflies
with butterflies
so go on and fly then boyballoons
look good from on the ground
i fear with pins and needles around
we may fall then stumble
upon a carousel
it could take us anywherei'm not like the girls that you've known
but I believe I'm worth coming home to
kiss away night
this girl only sleeps with butterflies
with butterflies
with butterflies
so go on and fly boy
- tori amos
---
what is it with flight that makes it profoundly desirable? meron ba talagang nahihita ang tao sa paglutang? o a kawalan ba mismo ang pinanggagalingan ng charm nito?
why do we think that salvation is up above the clouds when there is plenty of ground up here to cover in our pursuit of it? why do i talk as if anyone cares?
lipad, darna, lipad.
yes, they have a better ring to them than frankness, but what of form if it blurs out the content?
there is an excess of ways on how to say what language cannot translate. sometimes not saying anything does a better job at getting the message across. but, more often, it asserts the stalemate of which you find yourself in.
metaphors become futile. they become a menagerie: imagery in the shape of sounds that aren't really there. only echoes of the desires that have escaped from the cabinets in which they were kept and concealed.
they don't get it. you don't get it. nobody does. words lose their meaning in the arbitrariness of how you selected and positioned them beside one another.
and they shoot you back with metaphors as well. but they miss because the target (you) has headed for the exit in frustration. you miss what you long to hear. you only are tapped on the shoulder by your wishes, but in the end, you brush it off because nothing will be achieved in talking to yourself. nothing apart from temporary solace.
i've lost faith in metaphors, but they remain my only weapon.
---
megsanamagkailawatliwanagnasainyokasinakaka
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